My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
