The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
