Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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