The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
