First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
that's an acceptable place to lick
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
