im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
