Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize