there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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