pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
