i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
