dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
