he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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