it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
