Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
