You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
