Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
