I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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