I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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