Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
