I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
