i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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