you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
