I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
