I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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