Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
