Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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