I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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