I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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