Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize