evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Life is so much better after having sex.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
