mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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