I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
