Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
