just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
