Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
