Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
