Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
