I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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