I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
