i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize