just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
