Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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