From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
