Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
