You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
