forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
