DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my shit smells like andre
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
