Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
