Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
