When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize