Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I am midnight drunk by noon
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
