she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
