it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
