You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
