just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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