My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
