I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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