For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
