Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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