Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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