It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
