i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
