You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
