"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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