Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
