This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
