I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
