I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm like, not good at living.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
